I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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