Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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