He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
