I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
