Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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