Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize