So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
