shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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