I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
