2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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