My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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