I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
