No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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