I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
