we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My feet surprised me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
