I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
