Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
