She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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