did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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