Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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