So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
