after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
