If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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