Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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