you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Panties = found
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
