If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
