I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Green mimosas i think yes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
