I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
