she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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