Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize