1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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