Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
