how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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