Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
