1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You need a sexual gate keeper
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize