Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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