Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.