Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow