Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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