Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
