During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to rekindle our bromance
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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