I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
