I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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