accomplished twins. life is a go
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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