there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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