I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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