I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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