Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Too much gin, very little bucket
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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