i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
