eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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