So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
