Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
