I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
