Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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