super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
