I need help removing her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
whose parrot is this?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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