i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
