I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
