Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
