I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
