Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
