Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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